Monday, February 12, 2007

Ladies, do you actively forgive?

This is from the class I taught Saturday at the church and much of the information I got from Mindy Williams at SEBTS


Is a huge issue in counseling and often times you will be called to ask her to forgive (either obey or disobey God’s word)

  • There is no way to imitate Christ more than when we forgive!
  • Helping women forgive others is the biggest think we can help women to do. Call them to forgive
  • Women do not practice forgiveness (mother-in-laws, example of Mindy)
  • You must forgive _________ and all the ways she has sinned against her. There are no buts you must forgive to move on

Forgiveness Does Not Mean:

  • That what happened to this woman was no big deal
  • Or that we are just excusing it
  • It is not based on if the other person apologizes
  • Does not mean that the relationship will just go back to the same way it was (consequences are still there)
  • It IS something you have to do even when you do not feel like it (ex. “when I have healed I will forgive

Forgiveness Is:

  • Realizing who she is in Christ and how much she has been forgiven
  • Matthew 18:21- Have them read it out loud and take their sin seriously. Who are you in this passage?
  • We can never pay God back our huge debt.
  • Jesus calls us who do not forgive wicked

Facts on Forgiveness:

  • It is not based on feelings! (I will forgive when I feel like it)
  • It is a decision of the will. It is part of the fight of faith!!!!! of obeying God
  • Ask her and yourself are you going to obey God or not? It is so powerful when we obey God. It is life changing. Not waiting on peace until you forgive
  • It is giving someone mercy instead of wrath that they deserve, in the same way that Christ gave you mercy
  • It is to be given repeatedly for same sins (how many times 7 times 70)
  • Future Grace is a great book by John Piper. Know that God is a God of justice and one say he will settle her accounts more justly than she ever could (Hell) “If you hold a Grudge you doubt the Judge.” The greater the offence the greater glory He gets! Vengeance is the Lord’s. Look to the Cross
  • Mark 11:25
  • When you are counseling listen for unforgiveness

How can we help her Forgive?

  1. Have her list all the ways that person has sinned against them. Do one person at a time. With the list look out for language such as he mad me feel this way. The other person can have an influence but it is not the determinative. Explain things on the list.
  2. Pray through this list and forgive them by stating I am forgiving him or her for___________ For example Pray: God I forgive my dad for not helping me Today I forgive him before you God.
  3. This can take days and tear up the list after
  4. Help her understand the Sovereignty of God over her life and her past. He is working for her good and his glory. God is at work even now. Forgiving a person is part of his work and it surely shapes her to the image of Christ
  5. God will give her the grace to do it, it is not by her own strength
  6. Making 2 commitments before God (I think this is from a book Peace Making Families)

a) You are not going to bring it up again to others. It is forgiven. You can bring it up in a testimonial situation

b) You are not going to bring it up to yourself. If it comes to your mind filter it out Do not let you think about it twice. Fight!

  1. Do not focus on if you really did forgive that person (It is important that you forgave to the best of your ability)
  2. Be in the habit of praying through forgiving someone (it would be good not to have to make some long list every time)


alimitedunderstanding said...

awesome post, Emily! Thank you for this reminder. I sometimes wonder if it is harder for women to forgive because we feel things deeper and can really hold in bitterness. I know i do! With Artur, he often just forgives and forgets and that is that. This is something I really need to work on and I really appreciate you showing the Biblical way to do this. Thank you!

Emily Wallace said...

Thanks so much but really all most of this is from Mindy Williams. Actively forgiving people in my life has completely been life changing. I did not really realize how active forgiveness needs to be, and how much I had not forgiven others. Glad this post was a blessing for you.

alimitedunderstanding said...

Emily, did you ever do sports when you were preg?

Emily Wallace said...

No, but with the next baby I hope I will. The doctors here said it was fine to walk and be active, but I just had no energy. They also said however much activity you did right before you got pregnant is what you should try to keep up with. Hope this helps...when are you due???