Tuesday's Tip: Teaching What We Believe to our 2 and 3 Year Olds

A Catechism for Boys and Girls

Revised by Jared Kennedy

Section 1: Questions about God, Humanity, and Sin

Questions 1-8 (for ages 2-3):

1. Who made you? God made me. (Genesis 1:26-27; 2:7; Ecclesiastes 12:1; Acts 17:24-29)

2. What else did God make? God made all things. (Genesis 1, especially verses 1, 31; Acts 14:15; Romans 11:36; Colossians 1:16)

3. Why did God make you and all things? For his own glory. (Psalm 19:1; Jeremiah 9:23, 24; Revelation 4:11,15) Explanation: God’s glory is his goodness and his greatness

4. How can you glorify God? By loving him and doing what he commands. (Ecclesiastes 12:13; Mark 12:29-31; John 15:8-10; 1 Corinthians 10:31)

5. Why should you glorify God? Because he made me and takes care of me. (Daniel 4:39; Romans 11:36; Revelation 4:11)

6. Are there more gods than one? No, there is only one true God. (Deuteronomy 6:4; Jeremiah 10:10; Mark 12:29; Acts 17:22-31)

7. In how many persons does this one true God exist? In three persons. (Matthew 3:16-17; John 5:23; 10:30; 14:9-10; 15:26; 16:13-15; 1 John 5:20, 2 John 9; Revelation

1:4, 5)

8. Who are they? God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. (Matthew 28:19; 2 Corinthians 13:14; 1 Peter 1:2; Jude 20-21)

Believe it or not, my kids get bored easily, and when they do I say, "Who made you?" Abigail usually sings the "God made me Song" (in my Bible book is says that God made me). We practice these especially at bath time.

Charlie talks about this more at his blog: http://www.pastorcharliewallace.com/

Breakthrough with Training Jackson

*Above picture is taken at a fun "Cat in the Hat" birthday party we went to on Saturday.

Recently, I feel like I have had a breakthrough with Jackson, all thanks to Mrs. Duggar.

Have you ever watched 19 Kids and Counting? Your answer is probably "yes." BUT, have you ever seen Michelle Duggar sin? (She obviously does) Your answer might be surprisingly, "no." We are all sinners, but I tell you what, Michelle Duggar is unbelievable and she could only be how she is because of the power of Jesus in her life.

On a recent episode, she was having to deal with a fight that happened with the little ones. She made three of her preschoolers tell to her what they should have done (not take the ice cream, etc), and then she made them repeat ten times to her while looking her in the eye whatever they should have said in the situation. This all happened while they were sitting on chairs. With the youngest one, I think it was as simple as telling the child telling her "yes ma'am" ten times. Duggar would then praise the children for doing whatever it was they were asked to do. She says she concentrates on training them in all situations.

So, the last week or so Jackson had the flu for the first time since we took his paci away last year (yes, we had the flu shot). Needless to say he whined a lot and threw things when he was sick and mad with no paci to calm this time around. So, when he did that, I took him in the kitchen and said "you need to say 10 times 'I will not throw things.'" It really got to the heart of the issue and then I would instruct him with what he should have done---he should have told mommy in a calm, self-controlled voice what was wrong. I do believe in using the rod, but when my baby boy had the flu, and even now, I am really concentrating on training him on what to do in certain situations (as well as giving him time outs on his bed for four minutes when he is whining).

Also, at the end of the day, Duggar tries to praise her children in front of everyone about what they did well that day. I have been really trying to do that and so today when Charlie came home I told him that Abigail did a great job eating her Toy Story vitamin, and that Jackson did a great job when he drew a perfect H on his chalkboard during our "school" time today (we got the chalkboard from Handwriting without Tears). Jackson's "love language" is definitely words of affirmation. He gets that from his father ;-)

Just thought I would share this because I knew it would be helpful in training your Preschooler. Also the book of the month for Preschoolers for February is Over the Meadow, and March's book is The Little Engine That Could. Great books to check out at the library I am sure. I hope to get them soon.

Different Challenges in Disciplining a 3 year old

Disciplining a 3 year old is very different for us, than discipline a 2 year old.

When a 2 year old does wrong, you immediately need to discipline your child or you are really not training them, because they have already forgotten what they did.

Now, that Jackson is 3 years old, he remembers how and why he was bad hours later.

Our main struggle with Jackson is when we go out into public. At the house, he knows his boundaries and when I see him getting bored we just do school time and he is fine.

When we go out in public, the rules seem to be changing for him, and he has total melt downs. He refuses to go bathroom bathroom (you know what I mean) out in pubic, and I really do think that is part of us behavioral problems when we are out.

We watched Supper Nanny the other night, and realized we were ignoring some of his defiant behavior out in public because it was the easy thing to do (Supper Nanny is a good show).

The major instances we had last week was when I took him to Walmart one night. He has been having nightmares every Friday night (please pray these go away), and so he had a 3 hour nap the next day. After his nap, he was very hyper and did fine while we were in Walmart. Then, we go to check out, and I let him down to help take the groceries out. After we are done, I try to put him back in the cart, and he has the biggest breakdown ever. He starts screaming and crying and I literally cannot get him in the buggy. I was not going to not put him back in the buggy, because if I did that it would teach him that if you yell, scream, and kick, you get your way.

I somehow managed to get him back and in, and thought long and hard on how to discipline him for this. After getting some advice, I decided we would try to talk to him when we got home about his actions. Charlie took him to his room and asked him if he was bad in Walmart. He said yes, and explained to Charlie on how he would not get back in the buggy. After feeling comfortable that he knew exactly what he had done, Charlie gave him a spanking with our spanking spoon. I really think he felt remorse for his actions for once. He also is going through a phase where he does not want to hold my hand and sometimes he tries to run out into parking lots...ah!

So here our some of our guidelines with Jackson

• If he does something that can hurt himself or others he gets a spanking (with our wooden spoon). I usually do say, if you do that again you will get a spanking and bring out the spanking spoon. If we are in public, I have found it very helpful to just whisper in his ear in a calm voice, that what he is doing is wrong and why his actions are wrong. I proceed to explain to him what is going to happen if he keeps jumping on the chair, etc. I certainly do not want to embarrass him in public.
  
• Sometimes when correcting his bad attitude we just correct him over and over again. For instance, he went through a phase where everything was "no." Every day probably a hundred times a day, I would say, "Don't tell mommy no, unless I ask you a question.Then, if the answer is no, say "no ma'am." I was so excited after about 5 days, he would say these entire sentences back to me!
• Also, sometimes I do give him time out if he is into everything and not listening. However, if he intentionally throws something at his sister, he gets a spanking. I do not give more than three spanking a day (which has only happened once). If he keeps on disobeying, I do put him in his room and make him stay there for 3 minutes (since he is three). I think a time out chair, or mat can be helpful in training your child over and over again on how they should act in certain situations or how that should speak to you.
  

What about you? What have you found more challenging about disciplining your child once they turn 3 years old? What has worked for you?

The best Christian practical book I have read is "Don't Make Me Count to Three" by Plowman. I think I need to read it again right now (She has a new book entitled "No More Whining" that I really want to read soon).

Ps- We went out to eat for the first time since my birthday with just the four of us. Abigail wanted to get down, and she was tired, so needless to say it was not a fun experience. I do not think we will be going out to eat again with a waitress for another two months, just to recover from that experience. I really think 1-2 years old is such a hard age, because they do not understand so much and they cannot communicate accurately to you what they need.

To Spank or Not to Spank

Well, after many interesting comments I had on spanking, I just really feel it necessary to write one more post on spanking and guidelines when spanking a child. I know using the word “spanking” offends many readers that I have that I did not know about, but just read this with an open heart.

Here are two areas of foolishness that Plowman recommends using the rod for

1. Direct Disobedience This is when you have given your child clear instructions and made sure he understand those instructions, but he chooses to disobey. “Children obey your parents in everything for this pleases the Lord.” (Col. 3:20)
2. Defiant Attitude This is when the child expresses rebellion in his actions, words, tones of voice, or facial expressions.

For me: At Jackson’s age, spanking is determined if what Jackson is doing can harm himself or others. If he is about to pull a big heavy object off a table, I get near him and tell him if he pulls on it again, he will get a spanking.

Guidelines for Spanking a Child:

I understand why this issue is so emotional. We have all seen the child get hit (not spanked – I’m talking about hitting not spanking and there is a difference) in public by a parent and the parent is usually very angry. My heart breaks for these children as well. I do not think their parents have really thought through using the rod for correction, not humiliation or harm.

1. Discuss what the child has done wrong and why it is your responsibility to spank him. Make sure he knows that you spank him because you love him too much to allow the sin to take root in his heart and grow. It is important for the child to verbally confess what he has done and ask for forgiveness.
2. Guide the child in thinking through what he should have done. This goes with instructing a child and training them to be the man God has called him to be.
3. Use proper instruments as your spanker. Do not use something that will bruise your child!
4. Let the child know how many spankings they will be getting This demonstrates the parent’s self-control.
5. Spank as promptly after the offense as possible With Jackson if we do not do it very soon after the incident, then we do not do it at all. He has to be able to understand what he did was wrong and 10 minutes later he has completely forgotten what he did.
6. Administer the spanking in private! I think this is the most important guideline. We are not called to humiliate our children or to “show off” to other parents that they better not mess with us. Our goal is not to embarrass or humiliate your child but to bring him to repentance. A repentant heart will not result from a child whose primary focus is on being embarrassed in front of friends or siblings (or the audience in the check-out line)
7. Administer the rod to the child’s bottom. The bottom is a sensitive area yet it cushioned in such a way that proper spanking will not do physical damage.
8. Take time for reconciliation
9. Require the child to make restitution

Conclusion:

NEVER SPANK BECAUSE OF

1. Childish Behavior. Childishness becomes foolishness when the child has been given clear instructions and then disobeys
2. Inability to perform. We should not even have to list this one but we are all sinners
3. Accidents
4. Before Having All of the Facts
5. WHILE YOU ARE ANGRY A parent who spanks a child in anger is sinning against God and sinning against their child. If you are angry, take time to pray through your anger and allow God to make your motives pure before you spank. Disciplining in anger can cause the child to resent rather than repent. * I would say if you are angry and have real young children, just do not spank at that time. It is more important for you not to be angry and abusive than for a spanking to occur. I cannot count the number of times I have seen an angry parent spank their child. In doing this they are sinning and need to repent and ask God for forgiveness and ask their child for forgiveness. The Bible clearly states that if we do not use the rod we “hate our own children,” and we are not saving his soul from death. If you are not a Christian, I understand why you would not want to use the rod. It is a lot easier to try time outs or something else. It is very hard to biblically use the rod and many Christians use the rod because they are angry and they are in turn sinning!

How to Biblically Correct Your Child When He Hits

God’s Word tells us to try to work out disputes among ourselves. When we have a dispute with a fellow Christian or non-Christian (not our children), we are to try to work the dispute out by confronting and asking them to stop the certain behavior. If they refuse to stop then Scripture tells us to get a judge (if they are a Christian the judge showed be a leader or pastor in the church) to decide the case.

Wouldn’t it be great if our children, when they had disputes among each other, asked the other child to stop the behavior in a nice calm way, and the other child actually stopped the said behavior. I think we would be in heaven if that were to happen the majority of the time. But, I do not want to encourage Jackson to tell me every time a child does wrong to him, rather, I want to encourage him to work it out with his friend. He is still a little young to come and tell me what someone else has done to him. Anyway, many times us moms have to act as the judge between fights among our children and their friends. By doing this are we encouraging our children to work out their disputes among themselves or are we hindering that process?

For older children that hit this is what Plowman recommends in her book, “Don’t Make me Count to Three”:

"Here are a few examples of heart-probing questions that can be asked:

'What were you feeling when you hit your sister?' Quite often, the emotion is anger.

'What did your sister do to make you mad?' After listening to him we found out that Josh was telling a joke to everyone at the table, and rather than respectfully listening and allowing Josh the fun of telling it, Lindsey kept rudely interrupting and trying to steal the fun from her brother by telling the joke herself. So as a response to her rudeness, Josh got angry and just socked her a good one!

'Did hitting your sister seem to make things better or worse between the two of you?' This question helped him acknowledge that he was still mad, and Lindsey was crying from the pain.

'What was the problem with what Lindsey was doing to you?' Although Josh should not have hit her, we didn’t want to deny the fact that Josh had been sinned against. We had him tell us what Lindsey was doing wrong and why it was wrong. We wanted to teach him how to identify her actions (and his temptation) biblically. There are many verses that could apply to what Lindsey was doing. One would be Proverbs 6:19 which says that one of the seven things that God hates is one 'who stirs up dissension among brothers.' This is definitely what she was doing. The madder her got, the more she delighted in interrupting him.

At this point, we stopped and asked Lindsey, 'Honey were you promoting peace by interrupting your brother’s joke, or were you stirring up trouble?' We focused their attention on what God says about stirring up trouble. We were showing them the situation from God’s point of view.

'Yes, Josh, Lindsey was sinning against you, but in what other ways could have you responded?' Each answer that Josh gave enabled him to better understand his own heart and his own need for Christ’s grace and redemption. And each answered questions gave us the opportunity to us God’s Word in training him in accordance with his struggle. Bottom line, Josh became angry with his sister and returned evil with evil.”

Do you ask heart probing questions with your children? Or do you struggle with instructing your children? I would love to hear from you!

With Jackson when he hits something (sometimes that something is our dog), I tell him that hitting is bad and it does not honor your mommy and displeases God. I say, “If you hit again, you will get a spanking.” Last week, he definitely got a couple of spankings. I use a wooden spoon and I am sure to warn him that he is going to get spanked so he does not live his life in fear thinking I am going to spank him out of the blue. I only give one warning as opposed to three…. Then, I say, we need to love Millie Boo, God wants us to show love and hitting is not showing love. Then we practicing showing love to Millie Boo (our dog).

“He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” Proverbs 13:24. Wow, the Bible says if you spare the rod you hate your own son. That is really strong language. It is hard to spank you children, but if you do not use the rod on your children, ultimately, you are not showing love for them. I tell Jackson that I love him too much not to spank him while I am spanking him and I make sure to never do it when I am upset or mad. Proverbs 23:13-14 states, “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.” We are called to discipline our children with the rod to save our children’s soul from death!

I think the next post will be about spanking and the guidelines that Plowman discusses in her book.

3 Quick Tips for Moms (What God has been teaching me)

1. Time how long it actually takes you to clean a certain area. This really helps you focus on the task at hand, and helps you not waste any of your precious time. For some reason, I take forever to unload the dishwasher. So I got my timer out and timed me, and it did take me 7 whole minutes, but Jackson was asleep so I was being very quiet. While you clean, listen to your ipod with sermon podcasts or put on some of your favorite music. Another suggestion is to memorize Scripture while you clean, this helps your mind from wondering and worrying. Go here to this mom’s blog and her inspiring post on cleaning a big mess in 15 minutes: http://choosingsimplicity.blogspot.com/2008/03/simply-overwhelmed-to-simply-overjoyed.html
2. When disciplining your child us both the rod and correction no matter how old your child is. Jackson has been hard to discipline recently. He gets extremely frustrated and he is a very sensitive child. I am reading the best book right now from a mom’s perspective that I have ever read, “Don’t Make Me Count to Three!” by Ginger Plowman. I am so thankful to God for this book in my life and I can hardly put the book down. I will be blogging more about this book soon! She asserts that certainly God has called us to use the rod to drive foolishness from the hearts of our children. We are told in Proverbs 22:15, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of the child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from it.” But, Scripture calls us to instruct them which I believe is equally important. Ephesians 6:4 states, “…bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” I think part of the reason why Jackson has been so frustrated is that I have been using the rod, but I have not instructed him or shown him what to do instead of hitting things. It is like I have been trying to train a cute little puppy by spanking him every time he uses the bathroom on the floor, but not taking him outside to show him that this is where you are to use the restroom (or providing a way of escape). Plowman explains that discipline without instruction will exasperate and lead to anger. My plan is that when he hits me in frustration to tell him that that action does not please God and that if he does it again he will get a spanking. If he does it again, he will get a spanking with the wooden spoon, and then I will explain that he needs to love other people by hugging them not hitting them. He loves to hug people and if he can replace slapping anything in site with loving people when he does not gets his way, this will be an improvement. I really need to instruct him on what he should do, and I know now that this will work better than just spanking him. If anyone else has any more advice on how to deal with an 18 month old slapping people’s arms let me know. I am just not completely sure on how to exactly instruct an 18 month old and his melt downs when he does not get his way.
3. If you have a baby, do not buy way over priced baby food. Use a baby food grinder that money saving mom uses. I will not be buying jarred baby food for my next child. Go here to see her post: http://www.moneysavingmom.com/2008/03/feeding-babies-nutritiously-on-limited.html