To Spank or Not to Spank

Well, after many interesting comments I had on spanking, I just really feel it necessary to write one more post on spanking and guidelines when spanking a child. I know using the word “spanking” offends many readers that I have that I did not know about, but just read this with an open heart.

Here are two areas of foolishness that Plowman recommends using the rod for

1. Direct Disobedience This is when you have given your child clear instructions and made sure he understand those instructions, but he chooses to disobey. “Children obey your parents in everything for this pleases the Lord.” (Col. 3:20)
2. Defiant Attitude This is when the child expresses rebellion in his actions, words, tones of voice, or facial expressions.

For me: At Jackson’s age, spanking is determined if what Jackson is doing can harm himself or others. If he is about to pull a big heavy object off a table, I get near him and tell him if he pulls on it again, he will get a spanking.

Guidelines for Spanking a Child:

I understand why this issue is so emotional. We have all seen the child get hit (not spanked – I’m talking about hitting not spanking and there is a difference) in public by a parent and the parent is usually very angry. My heart breaks for these children as well. I do not think their parents have really thought through using the rod for correction, not humiliation or harm.

1. Discuss what the child has done wrong and why it is your responsibility to spank him. Make sure he knows that you spank him because you love him too much to allow the sin to take root in his heart and grow. It is important for the child to verbally confess what he has done and ask for forgiveness.
2. Guide the child in thinking through what he should have done. This goes with instructing a child and training them to be the man God has called him to be.
3. Use proper instruments as your spanker. Do not use something that will bruise your child!
4. Let the child know how many spankings they will be getting This demonstrates the parent’s self-control.
5. Spank as promptly after the offense as possible With Jackson if we do not do it very soon after the incident, then we do not do it at all. He has to be able to understand what he did was wrong and 10 minutes later he has completely forgotten what he did.
6. Administer the spanking in private! I think this is the most important guideline. We are not called to humiliate our children or to “show off” to other parents that they better not mess with us. Our goal is not to embarrass or humiliate your child but to bring him to repentance. A repentant heart will not result from a child whose primary focus is on being embarrassed in front of friends or siblings (or the audience in the check-out line)
7. Administer the rod to the child’s bottom. The bottom is a sensitive area yet it cushioned in such a way that proper spanking will not do physical damage.
8. Take time for reconciliation
9. Require the child to make restitution

Conclusion:

NEVER SPANK BECAUSE OF

1. Childish Behavior. Childishness becomes foolishness when the child has been given clear instructions and then disobeys
2. Inability to perform. We should not even have to list this one but we are all sinners
3. Accidents
4. Before Having All of the Facts
5. WHILE YOU ARE ANGRY A parent who spanks a child in anger is sinning against God and sinning against their child. If you are angry, take time to pray through your anger and allow God to make your motives pure before you spank. Disciplining in anger can cause the child to resent rather than repent. * I would say if you are angry and have real young children, just do not spank at that time. It is more important for you not to be angry and abusive than for a spanking to occur. I cannot count the number of times I have seen an angry parent spank their child. In doing this they are sinning and need to repent and ask God for forgiveness and ask their child for forgiveness. The Bible clearly states that if we do not use the rod we “hate our own children,” and we are not saving his soul from death. If you are not a Christian, I understand why you would not want to use the rod. It is a lot easier to try time outs or something else. It is very hard to biblically use the rod and many Christians use the rod because they are angry and they are in turn sinning!