Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Different Challenges in Disciplining a 3 year old

Disciplining a 3 year old is very different for us, than discipline a 2 year old.

When a 2 year old does wrong, you immediately need to discipline your child or you are really not training them, because they have already forgotten what they did.

Now, that Jackson is 3 years old, he remembers how and why he was bad hours later.

Our main struggle with Jackson is when we go out into public. At the house, he knows his boundaries and when I see him getting bored we just do school time and he is fine.

When we go out in public, the rules seem to be changing for him, and he has total melt downs. He refuses to go bathroom bathroom (you know what I mean) out in pubic, and I really do think that is part of us behavioral problems when we are out.

We watched Supper Nanny the other night, and realized we were ignoring some of his defiant behavior out in public because it was the easy thing to do (Supper Nanny is a good show).

The major instances we had last week was when I took him to Walmart one night. He has been having nightmares every Friday night (please pray these go away), and so he had a 3 hour nap the next day. After his nap, he was very hyper and did fine while we were in Walmart. Then, we go to check out, and I let him down to help take the groceries out. After we are done, I try to put him back in the cart, and he has the biggest breakdown ever. He starts screaming and crying and I literally cannot get him in the buggy. I was not going to not put him back in the buggy, because if I did that it would teach him that if you yell, scream, and kick, you get your way.

I somehow managed to get him back and in, and thought long and hard on how to discipline him for this. After getting some advice, I decided we would try to talk to him when we got home about his actions. Charlie took him to his room and asked him if he was bad in Walmart. He said yes, and explained to Charlie on how he would not get back in the buggy. After feeling comfortable that he knew exactly what he had done, Charlie gave him a spanking with our spanking spoon. I really think he felt remorse for his actions for once. He also is going through a phase where he does not want to hold my hand and sometimes he tries to run out into parking lots...ah!

So here our some of our guidelines with Jackson
  • If he does something that can hurt himself or others he gets a spanking (with our wooden spoon). I usually do say, if you do that again you will get a spanking and bring out the spanking spoon. If we are in public, I have found it very helpful to just whisper in his ear in a calm voice, that what he is doing is wrong and why his actions are wrong. I proceed to explain to him what is going to happen if he keeps jumping on the chair, etc. I certainly do not want to embarrass him in public.
  • Sometimes when correcting his bad attitude we just correct him over and over again. For instance, he went through a phase where everything was "no." Every day probably a hundred times a day, I would say, "Don't tell mommy no, unless I ask you a question.Then, if the answer is no, say "no ma'am." I was so excited after about 5 days, he would say these entire sentences back to me!
  • Also, sometimes I do give him time out if he is into everything and not listening. However, if he intentionally throws something at his sister, he gets a spanking. I do not give more than three spanking a day (which has only happened once). If he keeps on disobeying, I do put him in his room and make him stay there for 3 minutes (since he is three). I think a time out chair, or mat can be helpful in training your child over and over again on how they should act in certain situations or how that should speak to you.
What about you? What have you found more challenging about disciplining your child once they turn 3 years old? What has worked for you?

The best Christian practical book I have read is "Don't Make Me Count to Three" by Plowman. I think I need to read it again right now (She has a new book entitled "No More Whining" that I really want to read soon).

Ps- We went out to eat for the first time since my birthday with just the four of us. Abigail wanted to get down, and she was tired, so needless to say it was not a fun experience. I do not think we will be going out to eat again with a waitress for another two months, just to recover from that experience. I really think 1-2 years old is such a hard age, because they do not understand so much and they cannot communicate accurately to you what they need.


Anonymous said...

- Your child has nightmares
- Your child has bowel issues that undoubtedly cause serious discomfort
- Your child had delayed speech and trouble communicating.

Your solution to behavioral problems is physical pain. No wonder he has so many issues. YOU are the problem. Try compassion and understanding. Imagine how you would feel if your insides hurt, you couldn't explain what was wrong, were having nightmares, and then the people you thought cared for you become mysteriously angry and hit you.

I am have been reading your blog for a while, mainly out of morbid curiosity. I may have to stop; your antics are becoming to much for me.

Emily Wallace said...

Always enjoy comments...wish they were not anonymous

Just want to clear up

-My child has had 2 nightmares this entire year (don't think that was clear).

-My child has major constipation issues that is hereditary. Miralax helps clear this up

-My child had delay speech because he had a short frenulum (he was tongue tied). He had a medical condition that caused him to not be able to speak. He had his tongue clipped and his top lip frenulum clipped in March of this year.

I know whenever I write about spanking, I know there will be backlash, but it is always surprising how harsh it is...

If you do not know Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior I pray in Jesus name right now that you will believe in Him. Jesus loves you so much. He created you for His glory, and wants you to accept his gift of eternal life. His blood washes all your sin right now.

I pray that you will

Admit that you are sinner
Believe in Jesus Christ
Confess him as your Savior

Anonymous said...

You managed to sidestep the issue, dismiss my comments, and attack me all under the guise of witnessing. You are interesting. It also gives you the advantage of appearing righteous and above the fray. Finally, your regular readers will automatically side with you as you framed the issue as heathens vs christians. I'm impressed.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous #1,
Sometimes loving and caring for your child requires discipline, and sometimes that discipline involves spanking a child. Not striking or beating a child, but spanking b/c you love them and want them to clearly know that what they have done is wrong and that there are consequences for that disobedient behavior.
I know Emily and I believe that the reasons she spanks her child have nothing to do with the medical conditions that her child suffers from. She disciplines his wrong actions. Surely, she doesn't spank him if she feels that he is suffering physically from his stomach issues.
Also, anon, do you have children? More specifically do you have a three year old little boy? Sounds like you don't b/c if you did you surely would know what raising a three year old little boy involves. They are defiant, energetic, rowdy, rude, loud, and the list could go on. They can also be the sweetest, most tender- hearted little people you have ever met. But if you want all that disobedient behavior to fall away the correct actions have to be taken.
The Lord loves His much so that He sent His only son Jesus to die; to die a horrible, painful, disgusting death. He loved us so much that He left His throne in Heaven to walk, live and breathe among us filthy, dirty people here on earth. If you are familiar with the Bible you will know that when God loves His people He disciplines them for their wrong behavior. He wants them to be blameless and pure before him. If we want ourselves and our children to strive to live a life like our Savior we must teach them that disobedience is not okay. You can spank your child with a love and understanding. If you spank out of anger, there is a problem. You can spank your child and tell them why they are being disciplined in such a way, and let them know that if they choose wisely next time they wont have to spanked again for that offense.
I have rambled on much too long and I am sorry. Just truly shocked at the rudeness and misunderstandings of some people....

Anonymous said...

I am not saying she spanks him because of his problems. I am saying the problems play a significant contributing factor to his behavior and that spanking him as a result is wrong.

"They are defiant, energetic, rowdy, rude, loud, and the list could go on." No kidding. That's called being a child. It doesn't mean that you get hit for it.

The thing that gets me is that not only do you hit your children, you do it with the self righteous air of perfect smugness. Imagine being Jackson. You're in your room playing. Daddy comes in with spoon and your bowels get that watery feeling and fear races through your body. You try to say and do what he wants but then he hits you anyways and it hurts. Of course it's wrong for you to hit people but oddly enough that doesn't stop your parents from hitting you.

Anonymous said...

I seriously doubt that Jackson's father just goes into his room and hits him with a spoon just b/c. And yes all the things I described before are just part of being a kid, but sometimes those things are not okay. It is not okay to be rowdy and hit your baby sister. It is not okay to throw a tantrum in public b/c you are not getting your way.
Listen, I am not saying that spanking is the answer to everything. I, myself, struggle with spanking and when is it the appropriate time to do so. Out of sincere curiosity, how do you discipline when your child physically harms another or throws major tantrums?
And I don't think that you have any right to judge a parent that spanks their children. I do NOT "hit" my children self righteously. It pains deeply when I have to discipline my children. I hate that we live in a fallen world where sin is everywhere, even in my children. But to think that it does not sadden me, or Emily, when we spank our children is just foolish. It breaks my heart every time.

Charlie Wallace said...

This is Jackson's father. I just want to make several comments to Anonymous #1 regarding something he/she said earlier:

You make the false assumption that because I spank my child from time to time I am not compassionate or understanding. That's a mighty large jump.

The other false assumption that you make is the belief that my spanking is mysterious to the Jackson. Actually, he is only spanked when he has been warned repeatedly that if the certain behavior continues then spanking is the consequence.

Therefore, he knows when it's coming bc he has been properly warned and given a chance not to sin. But, because he's human, he makes the wrong choice from time to time and there is then a consequence. Children do not possess the mental capability at this age to reason and spanking gets to the heart of their behavior and drives evil from them.

The third false assumption is that the spanking is done in anger when in fact it's not. It is always finished with reconciliation via hugs and kisses. He knows he did wrong and is repentant.

I'm sure I don't discipline my children perfectly all the time but we have a plan that we feel is Biblical and works and we stick to it. We love our children and the love us.

Also, it's pretty cowardly to come on a woman's blog and diss her parenting approach and not even sign your name.