Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Loving Two

I have to warn you this poem made me cry. Maybe it is just because I am pregnant and about to go through this. I have not really had a lot of time to think about how it is not going to be just me and Jackson soon, but I need to start thinking of ways to prepare my son's heart. I am not sure who wrote this poem, I just read it on a blog recently. If you know the author please let me know so I can give her credit.

I walk along holding your (almost) 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship.
Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?
Then he is born, and I watch you.
I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you’ve never shared me before.
I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me”.
And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can’t”, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.
You cry. I cry with you.
I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared.
A relationship we can never quite have again. But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty.
I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying him—as though I am betraying you.
But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.
More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine.
The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.
But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two.
There are new times – only now, we are three.
I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.
I watch how he adores you — as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments.
And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you.
I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.
I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement.
Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you—only differently. And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never share my love.
There’s enough of that for both of you – you each have your own supply. I love you—-both.
And I thank you both for blessing my life.


Mommy Reg said...

It amazes me how God gives us so much love for our kids. We love our first with all our heart and we love the next one the same. It seems impossible but it is true.
A hint. Make sure you give Jackson time where he has to play by himself without your interaction. This way he can learn to entertain himself when you are busy with the new baby and he won't associate less time with you with the arrival of the baby.

Emily Wallace said...

Thanks so much Mommy Reg for the advice! Jackson plays really well by himself. His Sunday School teacher is always saying he plays very well by himself, but he really does not enjoy playing with other kids. This could be a probably when baby #2 comes! If anything, I need to play with him more. I know it will not be easy for Jackson at first when the baby is born, but then he will never remember a time without the baby which is good since they will be pretty close in age. Jackson just hates change so I know that it will just be a time of adjustment. Hope you are doing well!