Wednesday, April 28, 2010

What do you think of "Time -Out?"

In Ginger Plowman's book, Heaven at Home she warns about the "Traps of Ineffective Discipline"

She warns that many discipline techniques can be popular but turn out to be good for only temporary obedience.

Two techniques she critiques that stand outs to me were "Time- Outs," and "Threatening"

With "Time -Outs" she states that:
  • When your child lacks self control you do not put him in a time out chair, just like you do not put an alcoholic in a liquor store. She writes, "We must be careful not to lead our children into temptation. Our goal is to encourage them in righteousness for the glory of God. "
  • "Time-outs open the door for a power struggle. God's way is much easier and much more effective. If a child disobeys, is it not easier to spank the child and be done with it than to enter the power struggle of time-out? Not only can time-out be extremely exasperating to a child, but it also gives him the upper hand in determining the effectiveness of consequence. After all, he is the one who will determine whether or not he actually sits or get up."
  • "The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother" Proverbs 29:15
  • Time- outs can replace time in with Mom and the working of the Holy Spirit through her obedience to God's Word in discipline. When Mom leaves the child to himself in time-out rather than interacting with him, teaching him the word of God, and lovingly correcting him with the rod, she disregards God's intention for her to play an active role in the training of her child.
Time-outs have never worked with Jackson, he would always laugh and had fun so I never had really implemented them.

Recently, with Jackson when he pushes or tries to hurt his sister for no reason, I take him to his room and we talk through it. I do pull out his Bible and tell him that his Heavenly Father wants him to love his sister and we do too. Also, I tell him that Jesus died for all his sins. When he hurts someone else or is in a situation where he is not listening and can get hurt, he gets a spanking with a wooden spoon. Many times I do warn him that his action is sin and he needs to do ________ instead before he gets a spanking. I give him a chance to correct his behavior (unless he deliberately hurts Abigail). When he gets a spanking I take a good bit of time up with him and we pray that he will be sorry for what he did. Plowman also suggests using Biblical words like disobey...i.e... "Jackson, you disobeyed mommy."

Spanking should stop when children become adults (Biblically) at twelve, if not before. The frequency should also begin to dwindle with age.

I love to hear what you think about "time-outs!" She seems to have some good points. Love to hear what works with your little ones.

1 comment:

Anne said...

Very interesting! I really like the quote about how just because some techniques are popular doesn't make them always effective. I think time-outs work good with some kids and others need spankings. All children are unique. Oh, but careful with that spoon! Any time you use an object to spank with, instead of just your hand, it is very easy to under-estimate the power and force you may use. My mother used a wooden spoon to spank my sister when we were young and one day my sister cried so hard that my mom felt worried, so she hit herself with the spoon with the same force just to see what it felt like and she acually broke a blood vessel in her leg and had to go to the doctor! (We laugh about it now but my mother says she really regrets ever using such objects. She just didn't realize how much 'slam' they create.) I think spankings should always be done with your hand, so we don't over-do-it and cause more pain then we intend.