Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Wednesday's Word: Biblically Handling Conflict
For some reason in the last month I have had random conflict from mainly strangers. My way to handle problems or conflict is probably not very common. I usually immediately try my best to speak the truth in love by saying, "the way you are speaking to me right now is hurtful." Now, because I immediately react, I am sure I am not completely thinking before I speak or speaking the truth lovingly. When we deal with the problem right then and there our goal needs to be redemption not destruction. We need to do our best to forgive that person right then by praying through it and then it is over. We need to really never think about it again, and it does not affect us in the long run at all. I think most people are too much in shock to react right then and so they say nothing and then it ends up doing a lot of damage to their lives. Is your goal redemption when you are in an argument with someone? Do you want to redeem them or are you really trying to destroy them?
I know that with many words sin is not absent (Proverbs 10:19). So, I think God keeps on allowing all this random (not that important) conflict to keep on happening so I learn how to handle it as biblical as possible. My goal in conflict is also not to make the other person pay for a wrong I believe they did to me. If you do not speak the truth in love, the other person might not even know that they are treating you unfairly. Communication, I believe is the key.
With all that said, I am currently trying to read The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Sande. If you live in this world you are going to have conflict and I think this is a great resource. We always need to be learning and growing in every facet of our lives. I hope to blog more about what I am learning through this book.
If someone will not be reconciled to you, I just believe you never give up hope on them, just as our Savior never gives up on us. You cannot make the other person be reconciled to you, but you can keep on trying to be reconciled to them in a not annoying way.
I was thinking last night on why I do not shy away from conflict. The main reason why is that I am a huge problem solver. If there is a problem I really do my best to try to find the solution to that problem. So I think the key is that when you are in conflict do not just complain to the person you are in conflict with, find a solution. If I feel that someone is not is speaking to me harshly, I say, "I think you are speaking to me harshly, have I wronged you in any way?, is there anything I can pray for you right now?" Usually, it is not about me. If it is a woman, we usually end up praying right then and there, and it is usually something that is personally going on with their own life, and has absolutely nothing to do with me! So if I am in conflict, I really do try my best not to take it personally. If you are in a conflict, what is the perfect solution? Really spend time thinking about solutions, not how the other person has done you wrong.
A goal of redeeming the situation is realizing that there is a problem and working through the solution.
How do you Biblically handle conflict?
Also, I am really enjoying the song "Worthy is The Lamb" I downloaded Darlene Zschech's version from itunes
Thank you for the cross Lord
Thank you for the price You paid
Bearing all my sin and shame
In love You came
And gave amazing grace
Thank you for this love Lord
Thank you for your nail pierced hands
Washed me in Your cleansing flow
Now all I know
Your forgiveness and embrace
Worthy is the Lamb
Seated on the throne
Crown You now with many crowns
You reign victorious
High and lifted up
Jesus Son of God
Darling of Heaven crucified
Worthy is the Lamb
Worthy is the Lamb